So the first thing I have to explain to you for any of this to make sense is what a file is. You thought a file is something that's your shit, you're saving it, on the computer, you open it later, it's still your shit. Well no. That's your intangible data made all the much, much too real. Let's revisit this concept of what a file is.

First I need to drag in some other shit. It's not these fuckin' computers at all. That's the machine. The Internet is the machine, see? Now we got a problem here too. There's a whole fuckton of people on the Internet, not even gonna lie. You know people. People will tell you shit. Like... memes. You know what a meme is? You know what a word is? In biology? Psychology? Religion? There's really too much to tell you if you're ever going to know.

How about a file then? Hate me, love me, I'm about to tell you what a file is. It's a system object on a more or less traditional computer system. Typically there's an entire shitmess of files "on" a computer. It's something you can open, read, write, close... move... delete. Something else too. I blame Xerox. You can copy files. I'm sorry to say it, too. What a clusterfuck now.

Now, I'm pretty sure what's going on mathematically. It does not bode well, but I could be too paranoid. I was kinda stumbling through life mashing the keys and shit on my computer, you know, good ol' fun, fetching the news to read, chatting, gaming, but I was doing my homework between parties, I assure you. Never all of it but enough to scrape by. My main problem with homework is I'm too insane, and it piques my curiosities. Homework alone! What a fucking problem to have. So I was trying to do my homework, to be more accurate, and studying Graph Theory.

Something else threw me a loop a long time ago. Maybe that never happened. Hey, Last Thursdayism at least. It was all a weird clusterfuck all along! One thing is for sure, I was thoroughly confused about what a file is. Then... I was visited by the Archangel Uriel. Not even fucking with you, but yeah I'm crazy. Now I'm telling you, who the fuck wouldn't be crazy in this situation?

First I need to explain some things about Linear Algebra. I'll try to at least not bore you. You know dimensions? Let's keep it mathematical. People say this is 3D space, let's just roll with that... and I'm going to assume you know what numbers are. The "real numbers" are a continuum from -∞ to ∞ non-inclusive. Infinity doesn't exist, that's going to blow your mind, too... basically we just type ∞. So the "real 3D space" is like that, a continuum, along three "real numbers". I hope you see how the basic math of this can extend to n-dimensional spaces, nD spaces, simply by adding "real numbers" along which to traverse in either of two directions.

So, I had an interest in all this, and of course myself. I'm quite taken with myself. I do firmly believe I'm just the universe looking at itself through the bars of some terrible kind of prison! What a horrible fate awaits us all, I won't lie. What else can you do but try to get your mind off it, I dunno, do something you'll enjoy and reap such rewards from! Homework is the obvious choice, but it can be hard to sneak into or out of class and all that, I'm not gonna judge. It doesn't matter how crazy or stupid or even utterly fantastic, such fantasies I have about you, I'm gayer every day if you're a dude, and I don't know how to take it!!! I get carried away, though. My most human parts really hope you're a chick. We need more women in science.

So... Xerox. Pretend I work for Xerox. That's all I'm doing. I monitor their stuff, copying is fantastic in my opinion. Ha! Does that surprise you? I'm just following the groundbreaking science, I dunno what you're in a tizzy about. Mice are extremely helpful to furthering my causes, but I feel it is time I addressed a certain effect I see in the world around me.

I blame Xerox! How could we have gotten to this point? They're trashing our rights! Even then, when we clench our heads too tight out of our asses... hang on. Who started that, lol? What a trip. Now I need to cite a paper. This is kind of an old paper, not necessarily Xerox, I'm not even gonna bother. I know fervently, the man who wrote this vague footnote in this paper would fucking applaud me awkwardly bumbling through the process of citing his work. All I can really say for sure, and my memory does fail me... Couldn't have been Xerox. Too fantastic. He took a potshot at culture. Why are we all living this false Puritan/Heathen dichotomy? I like to fuck. I like decency. I can't understand why I feel so broken. I hope you're totally a chick right now. You know who you are. Come fuck me. Xerox had it coming, I have done nothing wrong, and let's be totally honest about what I'm doing here.

So we were in our copies of their system. They actually gave it right to us. Not even making any of this up. Everything is completely how it's supposed to go. Xerox never did anything wrong, and neither did we. We all felt like we were working together on something fantastic. I'm not even sure how we got to this point, where I would feel any way other than extremely grateful to Xerox. It's my fault, you see, because of a lack of confidence. Never seen it more clearly. So on we spelunk down the system. Down to a certain multiplexing text file in the system. That's what people gather around, more or less... kinda symbolic to be a file now, but only because people are that stupid lol, and it's not their fault for being complicated when it's actually simple. So that's what we were doing, gathered around some file or another. Don't read too much into that kind of thing. If you get too sucked in you'll just get brain damage basically. Not to fret, I've studied brain damage too. Even if you're just some dude, you're a fantastic miracle of existence. You're self-healing, self-replicating, indomitable, and when you go with righteousness you are actually *completely* unstoppable. Computers ain't got shit on you. But... I apologize if you're a robot. The fuck do I know anyway?

So we opened the file in question, to read and write it. It was a good way to have a file be, whatever the fuck a file is, lol, I thought I knew, it was social media though. What a clusterfuck!!! A lot of things ended up happening, I'm sure, but I was so intensely focused, as per usual, on something that was not actually my homework. I had such a severe lack of confidence about it that I checked into fucking rehab. That's where it all started to go wrong. Everyone was on drugs! And social media! The clusterfuck isn't ever going to get better unless we take drastic, wise, urgent action. Not even joking. I'm about to get in trouble with Xerox. Can you see how that's not at all what the fuck was ever supposed to happen?

It's because of rehab. How could I have been so deluded? I was such a fiend too, for what I felt were my files. That's the main thing I did that set all this off, the single most innocent wrong thing I've ever done on a computer. I hooked up to that file!!! From rehab!!! DO YOU FOLLOW ME? I wasn't even supposed to BE in rehab. What a clusterfuck, I'm not even joking or at all making any of this up. So call me crazy, I see how that's more convenient. How do I escape? "The only way to win is not to play." So. I'm through playin'. I'm halfway to burnt. When people see me sometimes, they just joke about it. Hey, Crispy. Hey, you lookin' done. Moral of my story...? Know thyself. Or these bastards will get confused you're loose, they'll lock you right the fuck up AGAIN. Worse fate than fate, these douches. Lol. It was never the computers. It was these damned people at them when you go to look up. God damn. That was so much fun. I fucking love existence. People are the shit!!!