Thu Jul 25 10:26:24 EDT 2024

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Apple (business model: "Uber for spyware")
%
TikTok (business model: "Uber for Vine")
%
Github (business model: "Uber for README.MD")
%
Microsoft (business model: "Uber for customer abuse")
%
Apple (business model: "Uber for garden walls")
%
Reuters (business model: "Uber for chatlogs")
%
Asahi (business model: "Uber for Yellow Dog Linux")
%
Canonical (business model: "Uber for Debian")
%
Valve (business model: "Uber for Gamestop")
%
I'll do whatever the fuck I please over port 80, thanks.  I will abstain from port
443, because my site does not need HTTPS.
%
I do not give a shit about SEO and I fervently wish for the speedy retirement of
everyone who does.  SEO shitbags rank with email spammers as the absolute lowest
pigshit dirtfuck dregs of humanity.  The world would be a better place without any
of their noise.
%
Stripe (business model: "Uber for Paypal")
%
Stripe (business model: "Uber for Palantir")
%
A new version of an old text editor is released.  Among the features listed is
GPU-accelerated text rendering, which is presented as an optimization, instead of
an embarassment.
%
Some terrorists share notes about exactly which awful webshit can be crammed into
which email clients.  Surprisingly, Microsoft Outlook supports the least of the
bullshit here on display, making it the best email client available for Windows.
%
Signal (business model: Uber for Cryptocurrency Scams)
%
Facebook (business model: "Uber for Radicalization")
%
Signal (business model: "Uber for SMS")
%
Objective-C: Not just for Macs and iPhones
Yes, it is.
%
Trends in Open Source Security
SPOILER ALERT: there isn't one
%
Persistent Memory
Pro tip: we call this a "disk"
%
systemd and Where We Want to Take the Basic Linux Userspace in 2016
Places we're NOT taking it include "Interoperability City," "Lake Reliability,"
and "The People's Republic of Sanity".
%
Putting 8 Million People on the Map:
Revolutionizing crisis response through open mapping tools
Alternate subtitle: "we didn't give a shit about any of these people before we saw
them on the news, but look what we can accomplish when we need to feel righteous
about our shitty hobbies"
%
Re-thinking Linux Distributions
...separate the operating system from the content
You know that huge pile of bad software the "devops" people wrote so that they
wouldn't have to ever actually install their software?  This guy wants to make
that the norm.  Everywhere.
%
Replacing Dockerfiles with Ansible-container
The talk description contains a typo and refers to Docker as 'Dicker'.  This is a
much more valuable contribution than anything else the Ansible team has done.
%
Adding GNU/Hurd support to GNU Guix and GuixSD
Porting Guix and GuixSD to GNU/Hurd
At long last, someone is tackling the important work: porting software nobody
uses, written in a language nobody uses, to an operating system nobody uses, to
enable a package manager nobody uses.
%
Is the GPL a copyright license or a contract under U.S.  law?
The answer is "nobody cares", because it's never come up in court, and it never
will.  That's not going to stop bureaucrats fantasizing about what might happen,
or playing wargames in their heads about how they'd handle the case, but it
doesn't mean anyone will ever have to give a shit.
%
Blockchain: The Ethical Considerations
Another bureaucrat speaks to a very specific confluence of misapprehensions, to
wit:
  1.  Any functioning human gives a shit about bitcoin,
  2.  Bitcoin has any effect on human society at all,
  3.  Anyone has found a valid use case for blockchain technology,
  4.  Blockchain dunces are ever given any position of responsibility,
  5.  Anyone cares about the ethical value judgments of a professional copyright
  cultist
Nobody attending the talk will have the heart to point any of this out.
%
The Current and Future Tor Project
Updates from the Tor Project
The United States Defense Department's most successful honeypot sends its apex
bureaucrat to reassure paranoid Europeans that they can still totally trust all
this stuff, you guys.  Everything's fine.  We're on your side.  Route all your
traffic through us.  It's for your own good.
%
Speaker affiliation: Red Hat (Business Model: "Uber for Support Fees")
%
Red Hat (Business Model: "Uber for Freedesktop.org")
%
Huawei (Business Model: "Uber for Espionage")
%
Just in time, X11 develops feature parity with Windows-98-era ActiveX.
%
Red Hat (Business Model: "Uber for QEMU")
%
SUSE (Business Model: "Uber for Red Hat")
%
Element (Business Model: "Uber for IRC")
%
Atlassian (Business Model: "Uber for Sourceforge")
%
Ubiquiti (business model: "Uber for Cisco")
%
Rockstar Games (business model: "Uber for microtransactions")
%
Google (business model: "Uber for spyware")
%
Reddit (business model: "Uber for Digg")
%
The Wall Street Journal closely examines eBay listings for discontinued children's
books.  Hackernews is extremely disappointed that both Random House Books for
Young Readers and eBay are willing to take even the slightest action to even
marginally improve the life of any nonwhite child.
%
WhatsApp gives users an ultimatum: Share data with Facebook or stop using app
Facebook continues the war on its own users.  Hackernews is absolutely positive
this is the most interesting and important thing to happen on January 6, 2021.
There is nothing else that even comes close to being as important as this to talk
about on January 6, 2021.  Nothing else is even remotely this crucial -- it
received 110% the votes of the next-highest-ranked story.  A change in the terms
of service of a fucking chat program is definitely, for sure, the most important
event of January 6, 2021.  What could possibly be as important as Facebook
software policies?  Nothing!  Not on January 6, 2021, that's for damn sure!
%
Ruby 3.0
A programming language gets slightly faster to run and remains moderately
unreadable.
%
Biden wins White House, vowing new direction for divided U.S.
An extremely popular reality show has not been renewed for another season.
%
How journalists use youtube-dl
A lobbyist tries to respin a popular pornography-archiving tool as the bedrock of
human freedom.  Hackernews chimes in to report how important the porn tool is to
police, which is the first time in my life I have even considered supporting an
RIAA action.
%
Google's new logos are bad
A trash blog bikesheds some favicons.  The article is so utterly devoid of insight
or interest that I would be angry about the electricity wasted in displaying it;
however, since that power was renewably generated via solar panels, I must
conclude that the dipshits who wrote, edited, and published this worthless drivel
owe a refund to the Sun.
%
This page is a truly naked, brutalist HTML quine
A webshit thinks 'brutalist design' includes soft, pastel colors.  The program
being described as a quine is in fact some typesetting markup which requires
several operating systems working in concert to render, and could just as well
have been plain text with a different Content-type: header.  It also bizarrely
contains an external link to its source code, which seems extraneous for a quine.
Hackernews lists every program whose output they consider to be pretty.
%
Facebook Container for Firefox
Mozilla shakes down a social media startup by blocking its advertising technology.
Why Facebook is subject to this interference and Google is not is not explained in
the documentation, except possibly by the Google Analytics deployment in the
product page's source code.  Hackernews links to other Firefox extensions, which
will presumably work until the next minor release of Firefox, which will remove
key APIs, implement whatever Google thinks should be next week's HTML standard,
and include a sad-face emoji alongside the announcement of further layoffs.  The
CEO of Mozilla earned over $85 for every line of code in the extension's
repository.
%
My friend starts her job today, after learning to program in prison
A Bay Area company hires a programmer with an unusual background: someone who has
actually studied software engineering.
%
French bar owners arrested for offering free WiFi but not keeping logs
The French government black-bags some recalcitrant citizenry who refuse to narc on
their patrons.  Hackernews muses on the morality of government, and has many
suggestions on how to make it truly just, most of which are based on common
software-as-a-service terms and conditions.  Most of the rest of the comments are
trying to figure out why France hates bars.  Later, the "why aren't laws written
like computer programs" assholes show up.
%
Mozilla (business model: "Uber for Also-rans")
%
LinkedIn is copying the contents of my clipboard on every keystroke
Microsoft stays ahead of US Government policy by just spying on everyone in reach.
Hackernews rushes to point out that this is not a case of nefarious behavior, but
instead is an example of shitty programming, which Hackernews cannot in good
conscience criticize, since shitty programming is the foundation of all of their
jobs.  Hackernews spends some time bitching about LinkedIn, which they all
continue to use no matter how bad it is, until that conversation turns into a
heated debate regarding exactly how big an asshole it's appropriate for phone
software to be.
%
I Just Hit $100k/year On GitHub Sponsors
A webshit single-handedly invents a completely novel method of monetizing software
development: charging money for it and including documentation.  This results in a
fully-illustrated two-thousand-word explanation of the miraculous revelation, of
which Hackernews is equal parts derisive (because the webshit is insufficiently
rich as a result of this effort) and overtly contemptuous (because receiving money
in exchange for labor is some kind of sucker's game).
%
Santa Cruz, California bans predictive policing in U.S.  first
A town removes some flawed tools from the hands of its police, on the mistaken
assumption that police racism is somehow externally motivated.
%
Zoom (business model: "Uber for whatever makes Xi happy")
%
New inline assembly syntax available in Rust nightly
The Rust Evangelism Strike Force heralds the first real improvement to the Rust
programming language: the ability to use a completely different programming
language.
%
Zoom (business model: "Uber for chaturbate")
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Google (business model: "fuck you")
%
Google adds experimental setting to hide full URLs in Chrome 85 address bar
Google (business model: "fuck you") decides that URLs are unattractive, and users
would be better off with a giant unexplained blank space at the top of their web
browser.
%
ACLU sues Minnesota for police violence against the press
The American Civil Liberties Union draws a line in the sand: the Minneapolis
police department is free to kill as many innocent black people as they want, but
scaring journalists is just not on.  Hackernews can't figure out why so many
heavily-armed combat-trained police, insulated from consequences by a combination
of union contracts and a willingness to murder any member who breaks the code of
silence, have decided to act like total assholes to journalists, who were once
perceived to be performing a crucial public service.
%
AirBnB (business model: "Uber for toilets")
%
In 4 US state prisons, 3,300 inmates test positive, 96% without symptoms
Slaves make useful test subjects.
%
Disney claims anyone using a Twitter hashtag is agreeing to their terms of use
A massive corporate conglomerate marks its territory.  Hackernews explores what
words are, what they do, and how that happens.  Eventually, they move on to "who
the hell does Disney think they are" and "how can they get away with this shit."
Later on, a Hackernews points out that "Hacker" "News" itself has a
forced-arbitration clause in its terms of use.  This would be concerning if anyone
in the IT industry were subject to legal oversight.
%
Uber (business model: "Uber for cars")
%
“We found PayPal vulnerabilities and PayPal punished us for it”
Some webshits discover that bug bounty programs are in fact extortion honeypots.
Hackernews can't decide if the evil comes from within PayPal or from the
bureaucrats they hired to maintain the illusion of interest.
%
Tailwind UI
Some webshits have managed to completely remove any advantage of CSS while
simultaneously making it an even bigger percentage of a given web page.  This sort
of counterproductive wheelspinning is right up Hackernews' alley, so they
immediately get elbow-deep in pedantic arguments about the most aesthetically
pleasing and ethos-expressing methods of putting a drop shadow on a modal
newsletter-nag dialog.
%
Microsoft begins showing an anti-Firefox ad in the Windows 10 start menu
Microsoft continues the war against its most entrenched and dangerous threat: a
struggling webshit vendor who is hemorrhaging money.  Hackernews recalls the
isolated incidents when Microsoft engaged in unethical business practices hostile
to community developed software.
%
Python dicts are now ordered
A webshit has something to say about Python internals, but I couldn't focus on the
article, because the first comment on the blog post involves the text "it brings
Python on par with PHP," which is such a monumentally alien thought that I think I
need medical attention.
%
Broot – A new way to see and navigate directory trees
The Rust Evangelism Strike Force, using a mere five thousand lines of code (not
counting the twenty remotely-imported libraries), implements a version of ls(1)
that is not good at listing files.  Hackernews has been looking for a file
explorer with a complicated user interface for a very long time, and is extremely
pleased.  The author shows up, and to demonstrate their gratitude, Hackernews
bickers over the Github etiquette, then lists all the other programs that have had
the same functionality since the Reagan administration.
%
Nebraska farmers vote overwhelmingly for Right to Repair
The mice vote to bell the cat.
%
Joplin – a note taking and to-do application with synchronization capabilities
Some webshits invent the text editor.  Hackernews lists all of the other webshit
text editors.  The Cult of Org-mode hands out pamphlets.
%
Google Buys Fitbit for $2.1B
Google identifies the next product to discontinue.  Hackernews struggles with
definitions of extremely product-relevant concepts, like "democracy." Along the
way we learn that democracy doesn't work as well in America as it does in Europe,
where approximately 20% of countries are still hereditary monarchies.  When that
gets boring, Hackernews engages in a dick-measuring contest to determine who is
the strongest computer programming corporation.  Some Hackernews fret about the
data they've spent years uploading to some stranger's computer suddenly being on a
different stranger's computer, but most of the rest of the comments are bickering
about another extremely relevant topic: lexicography.
%
Deezer (business model: Spotify for music)
%
We Stood Up to a Patent Troll and Won
A multi-billion-dollar company fixes a legal issue via generous application of
money, and then paints itself as the underdog.
%
Firefox 70
Mozilla makes a bit of noise pretending they care about Firefox user privacy.
beacon.enabled still defaults to true.
%
US Constitution – A Git repo with history of edits
An Internet translates the United States Constitution's changes over time into
git.  Thanks to this, we're able to relive the experience of Alexander Hamilton's
historic "Format paragraphs with new lines" crisis, as well as examine the pivotal
.editorconfig file, rumored to have been manually created by Betsy Ross using her
husband John Claypoole's personal copy of LINED on their family PDP-6.  Hackernews
learns a few things about United States history but mostly just bitches; the most
common complaints are that not enough legal documents are treated as computer
programs or that whoever did this didn't obsess enough about the process.
%
BBC News launches 'dark web' Tor mirror
BBC News desperately searches for someone who wants to read BBC News.  Hackernews
discusses approaches to getting involved with community security theater.
%
I Accidentally Uncovered a Nationwide Scam on Airbnb
An Internet discovers a scam on Airbnb, which is presumably a different scam than
Airbnb itself.  It turns out that by entering into a contract in good faith,
getting pushed around by a stranger on the internet, and then completely failing
to hold anyone accountable, it's possible to lose money without receiving goods or
services.  The article goes into lengthy, pointless detail about the failed
attempts to find out what the hell was going on, and then concludes by embracing
some sort of revolting Stockholm syndrome and declaring fealty to a business who
takes a cut of the scam.  Hackernews recounts all the ways Airbnb has shafted them
as well.  It's a shame, decides Hackernews, that there is literally no other
choice.  All you can do is take an Uber to your Airbnb and get counterfeit goods
delivered by Amazon.
%
My Favourite Git Commit
An extremely dull person wastes everyone's time by explaining in unnecessary and
interminable detail exactly why a byte in a computer program was changed from
whitespace to other whitespace.  At no point is it explained why a British
computer program in 2013 was using US-ASCII encoding, why utf-8 was a problem for
their garbage tool stack, how the hell U+00A0 got into the document in the first
place, or how anyone can avoid this problem going forward, so nobody learns
anything except what this moron likes to see in automated GitHub emails.
Hackernews just bikesheds commit message formatting, but they were doing that
already.
%
Ken Thompson's Unix Password
Some Internets solve an ancient word scramble.  Hackernews doesn't really care,
but a famous person is in the article title so they vote for the story.  In the
comments, Hackernews lines up to tell stories about word scrambles they solved
once.  Later, Hackernews tries to understand how ancient internet tribes managed
to communicate with one another using nothing but text.  One Hackernews unearths
ancient mailing list technology and the rest speculate on how anyone could have
used this without machine learning to tell them which messages to care about.
%
Flash Is Responsible for the Internet's Most Creative Era
Some webshits, overwhelmed by nostalgia, overestimate the value of a specific
remote-code execution vector.  We can look forward in ten or twenty years to a
followon work entitled "WebAssembly is Responsible for the Internet's Most
Creative Era." Hackernews all remember the specific eighteen-month window when
Shockwave and Flash were en vogue, and so we are treated to a couple hundred
stories of the one time each Hackernews did something useful with it.  Many
Hackernews speculate on what the next creative internet medium might be.  We can
take for granted it will again come in the form of a tightly-controlled corporate
platform, because freedom can only truly be experienced through the lens of an
honestly-acquired license key.
%
“My Google account got suspended because of NewPipe”
An Internet trolls some programmers.  Hackernews takes the bait; not because the
troll did a particularly good job selling the joke, but because all the services
upon which Hackernews relies are so poorly run that Hackernews regularly
experiences the same problems.  Some Hackernews correctly ascertain that the troll
cannot be telling the truth, as the bug report claims Google gave enough of a shit
to explain the locked account, when everybody knows that Google under no
circumstances gives a single shit about anyone.
%
Stack Overflow Inc.  Fiasco: Timeline
An Internet who is obsessed with a web forum types eighteen hundred words about
the web forum operators continuing the war against their own users.  The web forum
in question is extremely important to Hackernews, since it serves as a substitute
for an actual education.  It's not possible to tell if Hackernews is mad that
people have opinions about how they are treated on the internet or if Hackernews
is mad that someone is threatening the Codex Decuplus, from which all nodeledge
stems.  The argument is determined to be a perfect platform from which to announce
an utter disinterest in "politics," which is a word that Hackernews understands to
mean "any issue that does not directly affect a meaningful percentage of the FAANG
companies' boards of directors." The reasoning is that if those boards are
unaffected, Hackernews is unlikely to be directly affected now or in the
foreseeable future, so the people who are raising this issue are irrelevant
twerps.  The users of the web forum are urged to ignore this distraction and get
back to cataloging the text that Hackernews will be pasting into VS Code next
week.
%
3D Ken Burns Effect from a Single Image
An academic creates a method for automatically making pictures less interesting.
The author then shows up in the comments to argue with Hackernews about how many
of them clicked on the video.  Then, Hackernews nitpicks the terminology,
resulting in a collaborative catalogue of all the various ways that filmmakers can
make pictures less interesting to look at.
%
Lyft (business model: "Uber for cars")
%
Sunsetting Python 2
Some Pythons promise, in small words so that Python programmers can understand
them, that they're going to stop updating a version of their language Real Soon
Now, honest this time, they swear on their mum.  Hackernews chides the laggards
and an argument breaks out about whether moving to the new version is the easiest
thing ever conceived or else the most grueling six-month slog ever enforced.
%
In a swipe at Chrome, Firefox now blocks ad trackers by default
Mozilla convinces a tech rag that it blocks ad trackers, while still shipping
Google Analytics directly with Firefox.  A gullible person points out some ways to
help Mozilla pretend to defend our privacy, and Hackernews immediately requests a
method to send money to Mozilla while ensuring none of that money helps women or
brown people.  Almost half the comments on the article are debating the merits and
methods to do exactly that.  None of them will work, because they all depend on
the idea that Mozilla accepts source code from strangers who do not work for
Google.  The rest of the comments are Hackernews arguing about whether it's
possible (or even desirable) to network two computers without advertising
appearing on at least both of them.
%
Please Add RSS Support to Your Site
A webshit has opinions about webshit.  Hackernews organizes themselves into two
groups: those who interact with the web on a computer, all of whom would like some
manner of syndication, and those who interact with the web on a mobile phone, all
of whom think this functionality belongs in whatever messaging application their
friends use.  The Children of 3GPP are eventually victorious, as the Vested Elders
of the Hinge and Switch tear each other apart arguing over whether web browsers
should be responsible for browsing syndication feeds.  After all, that's not the
job of a web browser -- the web browser is there to render HTML, display pictures,
play sounds and videos, render 3D graphics, provide a platform for interactive
video games, support your virtual reality headset, provide enough operating system
primitives to support an entire JITted language capable of being used to write
email clients, realtime GIS packages, CAD/CAM operations, and manage radio
communications with hardware peripherals.  Asking it to also render one XML
document is, according to Hackernews, unreasonable.
%
Standard Ebooks: Free public-domain ebooks, carefully produced
Beings from a higher plane of existence descend from the heavens to spread
"necessities" such as "curly quotes." Hackernews is wildly enthusiastic about this
endeavor, as the only thing preventing them from reading these ancient classic
texts is the insufficiently diverse lengths of the dashes.  Then they argue about
whether mailing lists are good.
%
Advertising Is a Cancer on Society
An Internet refuses to apologize for apostasy.  Hackernews loves the commitment
and the good-faith effort to lay out a comprehensive and consistent argument, and
recognizes it as a valuable springboard from which to declare advertising as a
fundamental building-block of human nature, like copyright law, HTTP, and food.
This position is, of course, defended from a position firmly rooted in a strong
and clearheaded grasp of economics, and in no sense is anyone involved constantly
affirming the consequent.
%
Blender Is Free Software
Some programmers confuse a licensing contract with a religion.  Hackernews can't
understand why more people don't convert to the religion.  After spending some
time bikeshedding the phrasing of the liturgy, Hackernews invents the labor theory
of value from first principles, but mistakes 'typing things into VS Code' for
labor.
%
GitHub Sponsors
Microsoft regards Patreon as a threat to GitHub's lock-in business model, and does
something about it.  Hackernews is doubtful of the concept of accepting money for
work performed, and suggests instead selling ad space in README files.  Despite
the fact that people have been able to distribute money in myriad ways for
centuries, Hackernews believes that GitHub getting involved is a fundamental
revolution.
%
Apple removes game after Chinese company cloned, trademarked, requested takedown
A Reddit finds out nobody cares.
%
Zdog – Pseudo-3D JavaScript engine for Canvas and SVG
A webshit reimplements SDL in javascript.  Reimplementing ancient shit in
javascript is Hackernews' entire reason for being, so this story is highly ranked,
but the article is about software that is not useful, interesting, or unique, so
the comment threads just fight about how to render vector graphics.
%
I don't know how CPUs work so I simulated one in code
A webshit wins the prize for The Hackernewsest Article Title of 2019.  By just
switching one word, you can derive entire corporate histories of Silicon Valley:

  • AirBNB: I don't know how hotels work so I simulated one in code
  • Uber: I don't know how taxi services work so I simulated one in code
  • Tesla: I don't know how cars work so I simulated one in code
  • Palantir: I don't know how amoral secret police agencies work so I simulated
  one in code
  • Code43: I don't know how unreliable backup services work so I simulated one in
  code
%
ZombieLoad: Cross Privilege-Boundary Data Leakage on Intel CPUs
Intel continues the war against its own users.  The news of an Intel hardware
security flaw is by now so unsurprising that Hackernews spends most of its time
complaining that the academics who identified the latest batch of failures did not
get a sufficiently artistic shout-out in the GReeTZ section of Intel's mitigation
.nfo.  If Intel spent as much money on hardware engineering as they do on
convincing shareholders their core product is not a Matroyshka doll of bad
decisions, at the very least they wouldn't be a full generation behind on PCIe.
%
All extensions disabled due to expiration of intermediate signing cert
Mozilla opens a new front in the war against its own users.  Instead of wasting
money on useless side projects nobody wants, they decide to torpedo their own
primary product.  The only mechanism Mozilla has to restore functionality is to
repurpose user-spying malware-distribution pipelines.  In the process of trying to
unfuck the only program any of them run on their computers, Hackernews is startled
to discover that the configuration window in Firefox does not have any predictable
correlation to the configuration of Firefox.  Many of them declare they are giving
up and switching to alternative software from Google, a company widely regarded
for respecting the privacy of anyone at all.
%
I Sell Onions on the Internet
A domain squatter accidentally gets a real job, leading to the only onion routing
that's actually lived up to its promises.  Hackernews describes aiming over two
thousand dollars at a domain name purchase as a "moment of whimsy." Other
Hackernews already had this idea but didn't try it.  The squatter shows up in the
comments and is overrun with confounded Hackernews trying to understand how it is
possible to exchange goods for money without involving Redis.  Seventeen venture
capital firms receive pitch decks centered around building a REST API for onion
farms.
%
The inception bar: a new phishing method
Webshit number 56,302 notices that when you turn your hypertext document browser
into a Turing-equivalent virtual machine with full access to the underlying
hardware, bad people can do mean things with it.  Hackernews scoffs at this
revelation, correctly regarding it as ancient, and incorrectly suggesting
Hackernews has simple solutions for it.  The rest of the comments are Hackernews
smugly declaring they were too clever to fall for the forgery, because they use
some specific piece of software.
%
Animating URLs with JavaScript and Emojis
A webshit demonstrates the depth of javascript depravity.  The demonstration is
pointless, wasteful, and obnoxious, so Hackernews is on board for votes, but it is
not interesting, so the webshit shows up in the comment thread to talk about how
to make bad videos instead.
%
Mozilla WebThings
Mozilla introduces another product that has nothing to do with their only valuable
asset.  Hackernews is extremely excited, because they regard Mozilla as the only
possible resistance against the dominance of Google.  Since the primary difference
is that when Google arbitrarily terminates a product there are users affected, we
can conclude the foremost concern among Hackernews is harm reduction for
abandonware.
%
Katie Bouman, the computer scientist behind the first black hole image
Hackernews declares an emergency recess from the Wikileaks bickering, as important
news is brought to light: one of the scientists who worked on the black-hole
imaging research is not only female but had the audacity to lead a project.  This
horrific breach of "culture fit" rallies Hackernews around the world to question
this so-called scientist's credentials, approach, methods, etiquette, personal
history, social media output, and even (just in case) whether or not this
so-called scientist actually did anything Hackernews can identify as work, such as
copying text files to GitHub or blogging about PowerPoint alternatives.  None of
the Hackernews can quite follow the math well enough to decide, so they declare
the black hole picture to be cooties-contaminated and try to put this whole
terrifying incident behind them.
%
Dell Autism Hiring Program
Dell wonders if maybe their hiring process can be improved.  Hackernews debates
whether this is a cynical attempt to mine talent from previously-overlooked seams
or a genuine attempt to treat human resources as human beings.  Some Hackernews
consider labeling such personnel so their specific status is on display at all
times, an idea that nobody got from Nazi concentration camps.
%
A guide to difficult conversations
A grifter posts on medium dot com a series of tips for people who do not know how
to talk without being a huge asshole.  Hackernews recounts all conversations
they've had where at least one participant was an asshole, and trades URLs for
commercial products that purport to compensate for various forms of assholery.
I'm not sure why I was surprised, given the existence of so many other corporate
products that exist to train Hackernews how to be human, but the existence of
multiple competing product lines teaching idiots how to talk like a human being
was a bit of an eye-opener.  Look for the n-gate entry into this market, coming
soon to a vanity publisher near you.
%
Facebook to ban white nationalist content
Facebook takes away some snowflakes' safe space.  Hackernews is absolutely
outraged that someone in Silicon Valley could dare set foot on such a slippery
slope, which could lead to a society in which you might not be able to post
whatever you want on any website you happen across.  In particular, Hackernews is
concerned that this action may open the door to further persecute a specific
political party, which is so downtrodden and abused that it merely controls two
and a half of the three branches of the United States Government.  These fears are
met with similar concerns for the health and well-being of another party, which
recently controlled a similar swath of American politics.  Because no actual
technology is discussed, and the comment threads are entirely composed of
arm-chair legal theory, the vote to comment ratio is breathtakingly close to
0.5:1.
%
Bezos Investigation Says the Saudis Obtained His Private Data
The Saudi royal family will stop at nothing to collect dick pics, which raises the
obvious question: why did they pursue Jeff Bezos instead of just making a Tinder
account?  Hackernews is flabbergasted that mobile phones are not perfectly secure,
and begins to panic about the amount of blackmail material being theoretically
accumulated by whatever political operative a given commenter fears the most.
%
Intel VISA Exploit Gives Access to Computer’s Entire Data, Researchers Show
In what is easily the most horrific possible news story in the information
technology industry, some security researchers reveal the terrifying, nightmarish
truth: if you have a computer, you can access it.  With a little bit of work, you
can even get it to do things.  Hackernews breaks up into focus groups, trying to
decide who should be the most afraid.  Preliminary reports indicate that
video-streaming rent-seekers should be moderately concerned, perhaps, but nobody
can exactly define who should actually give a shit, or how.
%
How I'm able to take notes in mathematics lectures using LaTeX and Vim
An academic turns to computers in a never-ending quest to make learning harder
than it needs to be.  Naturally, computers are up to the task.  Hackernews
disapproves of the approach in the article, because it requires the operator to
understand the tools in use.  A few Hackernews have created similar grotesqueries
from alternative programs, and proceed to list them in great detail, to the
edification of no one.
%
Why can’t a bot tick the 'I'm not a robot' box?
A simple question results in The Gospel According to Some Dipshit, illustrating to
the Philistines the wisdom and divinity of the Lord your Google.  Hackernews
upvotes the shit out of this testament, even though one of the other answers was
written by the creator of the fucking technology being described.  The Anointed
Answer is sufficiently nontechnical that Hackernews comes streaming out of the
walls and forms two ranks: those who love and fear the Lord their Google, and
those who are annoyed by how shitty CAPTCHAs are.  The battle is without end.
%
FaceTime bug lets you hear audio of person you are calling before they pick up
Apple continues the war against its own products, reviving their previous practice
of avoiding security backdoors in favor of security frontdoors.  One Hackernews
wants to know how Apple can release such obviously broken garbage, and the
Apple-ogists arrive in force to explain how hard it is to be the best phone
manufacturer on earth, and the gang invents all kinds of fantastic scenarios in
which this situation is not the result of extreme incompetence at every level.
%
Notion – All-in-one workspace for notes, tasks, wikis, and databases
Some webshits make some webshit to centralize all your other webshit.  Hackernews
dives right in with third-party client software, since webshit is their native
language.  Later, it turns out the data-scraping webshit also, as it happens,
collects as much possible data about every single move you make, to everyone's
profound surprise.  Other Hackernews pine for some kind of alien technology that
would enable them to record and organize text.  The problem remains unsolved.
%
Writing an OS in Rust: Introduction to Paging
The Rust Evangelism Strike Force throws a fancy-dress party, where Rust dresses up
as a programming language anyone wants to use for non-webshit tasks.  Hackernews
finds the material commendably approachable, which is a natural condition that
arises from hypothetical programming.  Sadly, while the article itself receives a
frenzy of vote increases, the content is technical, so Hackernews observes the
traditional ten-to-one vote to comment ratio.  Most of the comments thirst for
embedded systems development in Rust, which is of course a perfect fit for a
language so elegant and lightweight that it must be implemented in six million
lines of C++ grafted onto a multi-gigabyte compiler toolchain.
%
Bitcoin Gold Hit by Double Spend Attack, Exchanges Lose Millions
Bitcoin Idiots, LLC announces that once again they have lost the world's biggest
game of Numberwang.  Hackernews, positively gravid with carefully-Googled economic
theory, sagely discusses the complex fiduciary failures of a fake monetary system
invented by C++ programmers.  Other Hackernews reject this reasoning, debating
instead whether the real measure of success for this technology is whether or not
it is as successful as AirBNB.  At the time of this writing, the entire 'currency'
in question can be completely fucked-out for approximately the cost of a small
single-family home in Oakland.
%
Microsoft Adds an OpenSSH Client to Windows 10
Microsoft notices that a program is popular nearly twenty years after it comes
out.  Some Hackernews are excited to see that Windows is nearly as useful as a
UNIX machine from the George W Bush administration.  Most Hackernews respond to
the news by speculating on the implementation details.  Nobody looks at the
implementation.
%
DevDocs API Documentation
An internet pastes everyone else's documentation into a webshit.  Hackernews
stuffs the webshit into their text editors.
%
Iceland's attempts to replant its forests
Apparently absolutely nothing occurred on the twentieth of October, so Hackernews
threw a dart at a newspaper: Iceland would like to stop being a wad of mud.
Hackernews is certain that it cannot.
%
Home Assistant is an open-source home automation platform running on Python 3
An internet would like to help you fuck your whole house up with bad computers.
Hackernews has been doing it for years, and has many suggestions for other
terrible programs to integrate with this awful idea, but they're too busy arguing
about how and when to turn lights on.
%
The impossible dream of USB-C
An internet is upset that the latest revision of the USB specification is
inconsistent garbage, precisely like each of the other revisions of the USB
specification.  Hackernews can't stop destroying their hardware.  Other Hackernews
vent some fury about USB-C, and decide that it's basically a user interface
problem and not a fundamental architectural flaw.
%
Text Editor: Data Structures
An internet stumbles around the world of data structures.  Hackernews takes turns
describing the uniformly bad decisions they made when implementing their
respective toy editors.  Some time is spent arguing whether text files continue to
be text files once they are more than a couple megabytes.  No resolution is
reached.  An Atom developer shows up to give us some tips on reducing memory
usage.  Tips on memory usage from an Atom developer.  An Atom developer decides to
educate others on reducing memory usage.  An Atom develo
%
Guacamole – A clientless remote desktop gateway
Apache is making a remote desktop program.  They call it 'clientless' because it
does not require a client, except for a massive document processing platform with
a turing-complete embedded scripting language whose development requires tens of
thousands of hours of labor per year and the operation of which uses hundreds of
megabytes of ram just to show an empty screen.  Hackernews remarks how easy this
task is, except for the parts that aren't.  The comment thread uses the term "HTML
5" nine times to mean javascript, but does not mention javascript at all.  Half
the comments are arguing about whether the name is stupid.
%
It’s time to kill the web app
An internet recapitulates every complaint ever voiced about webshit.  Hackernews
regards these objections as wholly incompatible with reality, but happily whiles
away the afternoon recounting every browser plugin they have spent their lives
chewing.  Breathless defense of webshit comes in the form of someone describing
the web as "universal" and "the perfect platform."
%
China Blocks WhatsApp
China somehow continues to exist despite end-to-end encryption.  A horde of
economists all log in to Hackernews and explain to each other that blocking phone
apps will destroy the Chinese economy, turn China into a reclusive technostate far
in advance of the guailo, hurt iPhone sales, or start a war between China and
Google.  The Hackernews Surveillance Circumvention Society holds a meeting to swap
workarounds that will serve them well when their Valley employers learn from
China's example.
%
It’s time to give Firefox another chance
An internet blogs about a new version of a web browser that might be released
eventually.  The traditional markers of progress are still present: removing
popular functionality, breaking the extensions that reimplement it, adding
shitware and disabling its removal, and adding more databases.  However, in an
effort to modernize the project management, much progress has been made in the
most important task: being Chrome.  Hackernews is dutifully impressed by all of
the wonderful progress Firefox has made, but won't use it because it's not Chrome.
%
W3C abandons consensus, standardizes DRM, EFF resigns
Corey Doctorow slowly begins to realize that the internet, like everything else,
exists at the convenience of people with money.  Hackernews, all of whom work for
the companies that lobbied for web DRM standards, ruefully shake their heads;
there was no possible way to avoid this.  The only way forward is to commit all
available resources to web development.
%
iTerm2: Please disable 'Perform DNS lookups to check if URLs are valid'
An internet notices that some Mac software was written by idiots.  The idiots'
quick reversal of course is hailed as heroism.  Hackernews dithers about when it
is appropriate for terminal emulation software to undertake its own network
traffic.  Nobody suggests 'never.' The software in question has been sending
random shit over DNS queries for at least two years.
%
iPhone X
Apple releases their implementation of the Nokia N9. The primary new feature
involves mass collection of incredibly accurate biometric information, which
they're pretty sure will be fine.  Hackernews unleashes a litany of complaints
about Apple hardware, software, and business practices, culminating in a
widespread agreement that life is completely unlivable without Apple.  Some
Hackernews spend several hours complaining that logging into iPhones is too hard,
too easy, and just right.  The bottom third of the comment page is a mass grave of
Suppressive Persons who did not exude sufficient enthusiasm for a cellphone.
%
Epistle 3
An internet posts a memoriam to a previous job.  Hackernews expresses amazement
that someone can be good at their job, but has much more interest in posting their
own epistles: apologetica for Valve's inability to deliver any non-hat-related
product.
%
Why We Terminated Daily Stormer
Cloudflare's CEO explains the decision to shitcan some Nazis because Cloudflare's
CEO didn't like them, but doesn't think that's the best policy going forward.
Hackernews gets into a massive screaming festival about how free speech is dead
because some webshits won't host a Hitler fanclub message board.
%
App sizes are out of control
An internet complains about bloat on a blog, which makes 77 HTTP requests per page
load.  Hackernews explains that it is not possible to understand how much disk
space a given program takes, because computers are hard, and one Hackernews doubts
that large corporations might hire morons.  Nobody can figure out why the sizes
Apple reports are unrelated to the sizes actually occupied, but they're sure
willing to reconstruct the practice from guesswork.
%
Exa, a modern replacement for ls
An internet reimplements ls(1) with missing functionality and more dependencies.
The work is described as "small, fast, and portable"; the binary is 1.1mb
stripped, the utility only reliably builds on Linux and MacOS, and the term "fast"
is defined as "on par with ls".  Hackernews spends some time sternly admonishing
people who are not sufficiently impressed.  Half of the comments are people
arguing about whether computers should emit colors.  The other half of the
comments are people arguing about whether humans can read numbers.  The Rust
Evangelism Strike Force recommends several resources for people who would like to
poorly reimplement other unix tools.
%
Disclaimer
Nobody mentioned Rust this week.  Reports indicate the Rust Evangelism Strike
Force was severely reduced in number after several of them attempted to read Rust
code outside of an Electron-based text editor.  Please send money to the Living
Computers Museum in lieu of flowers.
%
“We will stop updating and distributing the Flash Player at the end of 2020”
Adobe promises (again) that they're going to kill Flash real soon now.  Hackernews
mourns the passing of the greatest programming language ever written,
Actionscript.  One Hackernews declares they couldn't have written Farmville
without it; it is not clear if this is high praise or utter damnation of the tool.
Another group of Hackernews spends some time chanting "Steve Jobs Called It"
around a shrine of iPads.  Another group of Hackernews frets about the important
cultural heritage that will be lost with the death of Flash, and set about making
plans to ensure they can show animated frogs in blenders to their grandchildren.
%
The Myth of Drug Expiration Dates
Big Pharma continues the war against its own users.  Hackernews is sorry that
people are needlessly dying, but it just costs too much money to know things.
Better luck next time!
%
Pass: A standard Unix password manager
An internet makes a bash script to encrypt things.  Hackernews dives into a
multi-hour argument about how to make files appear in two places at once.  Once
someone notices this particular program exposes metadata and isn't generally as
useful as real password managers, the floodgates of self-promotion open as every
single Hackernews links to the github url of every home-built password manager
ever made.
%
Wildcard Certificates Coming January 2018
Lets Encrypt, having spent years telling the world that wildcard certificates are
a bad idea, announces their upcoming implementation of that bad idea.  They
continue blathering about "100% HTTPS" goals: not on my watch.  Hackernews spends
some time circlejerking about having free access to a bad certificate authority.
Some Hackernews experience cognitive dissonance at the realization they like
something they're not paying for.  The rest of the comments are defending idiotic
decisions by Lets Encrypt.
%
Milestone: 100M Certificates Issued
Some idiots brag about how many 90-day certificates they've shat out.  The
announcement yammers about "a 100% HTTPS Web," which is a goal that n-gate will
single-handedly ensure they never reach.  Hackernews sets about writing love songs
for the idiots, regardless of how much customer data is leaked, how many illegal
certificates are issued, or what percentage of the issued certificates are for
"www.paypal.com.sendmoney.глупец.ru".
%
Postal: Open source mail delivery platform, alternative to Mailgun or Sendgrid
Some assholes write a mail transport agent -- not a mail delivery agent -- and
because webshits are incapable of doing otherwise, they write it in Ruby on Rails.
It has over thirty direct dependencies in Ruby, only a handful of which are
version pinned.  One of them is 'mail', raising the question of what the hell the
other thirty are for.  Hackernews spends a couple days cargo-culting about how
hard it is to run an email server.  One Hackernews claims to successfully run an
email server; everyone observes how easy that is and also that it's probably being
done wrong.
%
Rust 1.17
Christ Jesus of Nazareth, Light of the World, Lamb of God, Son of Man descends
bodily from heaven and delivers unto our undeserving civilization the Blessing of
a new version of the Truth.  This one contains minor syntax updates.  An
unsuspecting Hackernews blasphemes by asking what the point of Rust is.  The Rust
Evangelism Strike Force ensures the resulting thread is exclusively comprised of
shitting on other languages.  Never forget: Rust isn't the best because it's good;
it's the best because using anything else is morally equivalent to genocide.  One
Hackernews tries to build code that built last year.  One guess whether it works.
%
Google plans ad-blocking feature in Chrome browser
Google, an advertising agency, sets about blocking content from competing
advertising agencies.  Some Hackernews think that maybe Google's motives are a
little selfish here, but by and large Hackernews is incapable of thinking negative
thoughts about Google.  Other Hackernews suggest using software that Google didn't
make, such as software that Apple made.  The end result: everyone agrees it's
going to be great.
%
Semantic UI
Someone wrote a metric fuckload of javascript to create a fragile, overengineered
framework that uses other fragile, overengineered frameworks to build massive
fragile, overengineered CSS files.  "Semantic" is a Latin word that means "wrap
every word of content in its own div tags." Hackernews whines that this particular
abuse of CSS classes isn't in line with their preferred pattern of abuse.  Most of
the comments are bug reports, all of which are blamed on the users.
%
Electron is flash for the desktop (2016)
An internet notices that programs built on single-purpose browser instances are
criminally wasteful of resources.  Hackernews declares that nobody ever listened
to music or talked to other people before the advent of browser-based programs.
The insistence on driving in every conceivable nail with the same javascript
hammer is defended on the basis that programmers' time is more valuable than
literally everything else on earth, pending the next "Ask HN: How to beg for work"
thread.  The Rust Evangelism Strike Force attempts to promote Rust by likening it
to Java.
%
Tim Berners-Lee wins Turing Award
An academic is given money as a reward for inventing things that share names with
the individual bricks of waste that comprise the modern web, even though he's
spent the remainder of a career attempting to undo the horrible garbage pipeline
set up to feed the resulting trash fire.
%
Next.js 2.0
Some webshits continue the war against their own users.  They post a product
announcement for their new webshit.  Loading the page in a browser comprises over
a hundred megabytes of traffic; eighty megabytes of useless video and nearly
twenty megabytes of json.  lynx --dump output contains all the same pertinent
information in 20kb.  Hackernews is very excited about this amazing new
technology, except for those who are fans of a competing product.  Several pages
of partisan bitching ensue.
%
GNU Guile 2.2.0
Some religious extremists updated their cult-approved Scheme implementation.
Hackernews is pleased that this version is bug-compatible with a bad text editor.
One Hackernews asks if Guile is relevant, which produces a thread full of more
affirmative answers than there are Guile programmers on Earth.  Another asks why
Lisp syntax looks the way it does; that post is used as a downvote repository
while Hackernews holds forth on code generation and clarity.  The longest
explanations are from those who have never used Lisp, as usual.
%
A little-known iPhone feature that lets blind people see with their fingers
SPOILER ALERT: it's a screen reader.  The author seems surprised it has features
catering to visually-impaired people.  Yahoo considers this a finance story.
%
Why we are not leaving the cloud
Some internets retract a previous blog post, based on blog comments.  This would
not normally be interesting, except in this case the blog post in question was
corporate policy.  Given that this company is the same one that accidentally
shitcanned customer data and thus discovered none of their five backups worked,
customers may want to consider migrating away from this service unless they see a
CTO posting in their "Careers" page.  Hackernews copies and pastes all the
previous blog comments into this thread.
%
The Human Toll of Protecting the Internet from the Worst of Humanity
People hired to look at terrible shit forty hours a week tend to go crazy.
Hackernews decides this must be why cops are all assholes and that the solution is
more cops.  One Hackernews suggests just hiring perverts.
%
A Git catastrophe cleaned up
An internet claims that git's unaimable footgun is evidence that git is the best.
Hackernews is torn between the idea that dangrous overcomplicated garbage might
not be the best and their religious conviction that git is the greatest thing ever
to happen to computing.  This debate is followed by dozens of pages of arguing
about which particular git misfeature is the most important to humanity.
%
Finger Trees: A Simple General-Purpose Data Structure (2006)
Some academics 'invent' a linked list of pointers to unbalanced trees.  Like all
'innovation' from functional programmers, it has nothing to do with how computers
work and turns out to be slow on actual hardware.  The Rust Evangelism Strikeforce
notes that this is not trivial to implement in Rust, but that is because Rust is
so great.
%
Making SQL Server run on Linux
Microsoft's database software depends directly on the Windows NT kernel.  Instead
of fixing that, they wrote an emulation layer to translate ABI calls to Linux
calls.  Hackernews is deeply impressed with the elegance of this shitshow.  A
late-1990s-style flamewar breaks out when the Knights of Linux invade the Windows
on the Mount.
%
One Way to Improve Your Coding
An Internet thinks the best way to get better at programming is to read programs.
There are two sections highlighted in yellow; one could have been used to replace
this whole article with a tweet and the other is a desperate attempt to increase
audience interaction with a website.  Hackernews isn't so sure and also does not
like the guy's font selections.  I was unable to continue reading the Hackernews
comments when I came across the sentence "I feel like I learned sane C++ by
reading LLVM code" which seems like it should be English but doesn't add up to
anything that can possibly be true.
%
Chrome is warning users about insecure pages
Google, furious that ISPs are able to compete with Google Analytics at all,
configures Chrome to bitch at people who use unencrypted http.  Self-signed
certificates are still regarded as worse than no encryption at all.  Tim
Berners-Lee, unsatisfied with having ruined the internet to the current degree,
wants to add STARTTLS to http.  Hackernews is deeply impressed by this idea, as it
gets them one step closer to being able to outsource frontend to Bootstrap,
backend to Heroku, security to Google, and accounting to Stripe, leaving them free
to decide which market sector's laws are insufficiently ignored (i.e.  "ready for
disruption").
%
Yatta: A Real-Time Framework for Peer-to-peer Group Editing on Arbitrary Data
Types
Enabling real-time collaboration on the Web
damn man I ask for A Real-Time Framework for Peer-to-peer Group Editing on
Arbitrary Data Types every christmas and my parents just keep buying me socks
%
Improving Key Signing Parties
Tools to make them easier, more secure, and much faster
Home Depot sells a kit to improve key signing parties.  It's a CLOSED sign and
some nails
%
Free and open-source software for medical imaging
Bringing technological independence to hospitals
Putting your life in the hands of some incompetent Belgian fop
%
Open-sourcing RIPE Atlas
This isn't "open source" in the "use this how you want" sense.  This is the "help
us do work for no money" sense.
%
H2O: An Open-Source Platform for Machine Learning and Big Data/Big Math
Setting aside the fact that "machine learning" has yet to prove worthwhile in
basically any current implementation, and the fact that "big data" is almost
always code for "shitty programmers who ran out of memory," this abhorrent pile of
dogshit is intended to strap together a bunch of computers scalemp-style in an
attempt to make single-threaded hobby projects relevant.  Absolutely disgusting.
%
Vulkan in Open-Source
A discussion of the new Vulkan graphics API and its impact on Open-source software
"so much industry momentum" that nobody gives a shit at all!  Incedentally, if
you've noticed how bad your haswell video support is on linux, this speaker is
part of the reason why.  Cheers!
%
Libreboot - free your BIOS today!
Libreboot is free (libre) boot firmware based on coreboot, intended to replace the
proprietary BIOS or UEFI firmware.  Boot firmware is the low-level software that
runs when you turn your computer on, which initializes the hardware and starts a
bootloader for your operating system.
Seems like a risky move putting the entire one-hour presentation directly into the
talk title, but maybe it'll work out.  We'll have to spend less time getting
excited that they've finally got around to supporting laptops made a mere six
years ago, or that post-Ivy Bridge laptops can never be supported.  At least you
can install this on your servers, thereby destroying all the useful remote
operations shit that might have otherwise made your life easier!
%
Building a peer-to-peer network for Real-Time Communication
Can a true peer-to-peer architecture, with no central point of control, be a
universal and secure solution?
No.
Bonus answer: why the fuck would anyone pay for the infrastructure under these
circumstances
%
Mainflux
Open Source IoT Cloud
Javascript bullshit, written in canonical node.js style: vendoring every single
piece of software the authors have ever seen, shoving it all in one huge list of
shit, insisting you install multiple docker images to run it, and then calling it
all "lean" and "highly-optimized." What does it actually do?  Take network
requests and perform database operations.  That's it.
%
Baobáxia - the Galaxy of Baobab Trees
Connecting off-line Afro-Brazilian communities with free software
some webshit thinks you can solve social problems with git
%
The Future of OpenDocument (ODF)
Maintaining the Momentum
Ah, this must be the sort of "momentum" that Vulkan experiences.  In practice, an
ODF document means one thing: the user downloaded OpenOffice and forgot to save in
Word format.  Good news, though!  A quick email should be enough to get them to
re-save it and send it to you.
%
Scaling and Securing LibreOffice Online
Caging, taming and go-faster-striping a big beast of an office suite
In which it is revealed that their fake version of Office365 is wildly
resource-hungry and subject to security problems.  At the end of the presentation,
everyone who is surprised by this information will be given a Mac and a job at
Facebook.
%
My BSD sucks less than yours
Two guys think they're going to "focus on the weakness" of their respective
projects without anyone trolling.  NetBSD is not participating because there is
nothing that NetBSD does not suck less than.
%
Incremental Backups
Good things come in small packages!
A Red Hat employee thinks QEMU is the right program to handle incremental backups.
Nobody is surprised.
%
opsi: client management for heterogenous environments
An introduction to opsi.
Truly, half an hour is not long enough.  This program is a shit festival of
stupendous proportion.  It's a python thing ...  installed by downloading a VM ...
from an OS repository ...  which they tell you not to check the certificate of.
The python thing uses mysql to store its data, but it does everything over http...
except the user interface, which is java.  It's like someone threw a grenade into
a room full of bad decisions.
%
Quit managing the infrastructure to manage your infratsructure
OpsTheater, an open source stack of best of breed infrastructure management tools
This is a pretty common theme in modern systems administration (primarily among
the people who call themselves "devops" and mean it): take a handful of tools that
almost everyone on earth uses, make incorrect assumptions about how other people
are using them, and then put it all on Github and give it a name.
Congratulations, all those things are now Your Product, you genius!  Please note:
none of the tools this person is presenting are a spellchecker.
%
Does your configuration code smell?
This speaker has never actually done anything except give a lot of talks and write
a lot of books about everything Smelling -- code, design, projects, everything.  I
think he might just need to clean his laptop.
%
Haiku, a desktop you can still learn from
No, you didn't steal all our ideas yet ;-)
Haiku, an OS that is entirely a reimplementation of another OS, sends a
representative to talk shit about "stealing ideas." The asshole they sent thinks
that being multithreaded will help a program run well on older machines, despite
older machines being more likely to have one core.
%
Corporate WebDesk
Building the next corporate applications
Some dink ported his webshit from ASP.NET to javascript and ASP.NET.
%
Free And Open Source Software In European public administrations
Main implementations, main policies
This is a handy talk to attend if you want to know which European administrations
are running out of money.
%
Modularity & Generational Core
The future of Fedora?
Fedora is ever-so-slowly figuring out why the BSDs have the concept of 'base
system' and 'ports' as separate entities that do not meaningfully interact.  Two
Red Hat employees are trying to nail down sufficiently devopsy terms to replace
shitty utilitarian drab terms like 'base system' and 'package group'.
%
Transactional Updates with btrfs
A genius wants to reimplement Solaris boot environments with btrfs.  Yes, this is
already trivially easy with zfs.  No, btrfs has not fixed their data-loss bugs.
Yes, this guy is serious.
%
Source code
Are we not forgetting something?
Some asshole wants you to GPL your makefiles.
%
Tutorial: my first hardware design
Basic course to create a simple FPGA design using OSS tools
A carefully-titled talk, because it is not possible to create anything *but*
simple FPGA designs with OSS tools.  The first step in creating complex FPGA
designs is always "buy the toolkit from the FPGA manufacturer."
%
Creating the open connected car with GENIVI
Remember that news story where some guys demonstrated the ability to remotely fuck
over a Jeep?  Red Hat is here to teach you how to design security vulnerabilities
for your car company!
%
Loco Positioning: An OpenSource Local Positioning System for robotics
Presentation with a demo of autonomous Crazylfie 2.0 quadcopter
GPS is not good enough for this guy's autonomous indoor flying drone.  I eagerly
await the video of the talk so I can see if he's figured out how to make his drone
localize and avoid a baseball bat.
%
Ruby's Strings and What Java Can Learn From Them
I'm sorry.  I was going to say something funny here but the talk title is making
me physically nauseous.  Let's just move along.
%
An introduction to functional package management with GNU Guix
The only relationship this talk has to GNU Guile is that Guix is written in it.
It's like presenting a how-to-install-Windows-XP talk in the C++ devroom, only
nobody uses Guix or Guile.
%
Mes -- Maxwell's Equations of Software
An attempt at dissolving [GuixSD's] bootstrap binaries
Lisp guys are still mad that computer hardware doesn't speak lisp.
%
Network freedom, live at the REPL!
GNU still thinks they can reimplement Twitter.  Maybe they can, but nobody will
ever know, because nobody will ever care.
%
Google Summer of Code 2016 @OSGeo
They had over twenty kids cranking out software all summer!  Come and see the
wondrous benefits of hordes of undereducated programmers!
%
(Cypher)-[:ON]->(ApacheFlink)<-[:USING]-(Gradoop)
It should be obvious by now, but anyone who looks at that syntax and is not
immediately repulsed is a monster and should not be trusted with any important
task.
%
Consensus as a Service
Twenty Years of OSI Stewardship
Some bureaucrats arrive to explain to everyone how important bureaucracy is.  One
of them takes credit for introducing Java and XML to IBM, as though that is a
praiseworthy achievement instead of grounds for a war crimes tribunal.  The talk
description focuses heavily on namedropping corporations known for ramming code
into production whether there is consensus or not.

#include <stdio.h>

#define BN_S_MP_BALANCE_MUL_C
#define MP_STRINGIZE(x) MP__STRINGIZE(x)
#define MP__STRINGIZE(x) ""#x""
#define MP__STRINGIZE() ""
#define MP_HAS(x) (sizeof(MP_STRINGIZE(BN_##x##_C)) == 1)

int main(){
	char *str[2] = {"yeah\0", "nay\0"}, **meme=str;

	if(MP_HAS(S_MP_BALANCE_MUL))
		meme++;
	printf("%s\n", *meme);

	return 0;
}

#include <stdio.h>

#define BN_S_MP_BALANCE_MUL_C
#define MP_STRINGIZE(x) MP__STRINGIZE(x)
#define MP__STRINGIZE(x) ""#x""
#define MP_HAS(x) (sizeof(MP_STRINGIZE(BN_##x##_C)) == 1)

int main(){
	char *str[2] = {"yeah\0", "nay\0"}, **meme=str;

	if(MP_HAS(S_MP_BALANCE_MUL))
		meme++;
	printf("%s\n", *meme);

	return 0;
}

<b> An Overview of Dynamic Balancing: Key Concepts and Applications
</b>
<b> What Do You Mean by Dynamic Balancing?
</b>
   Dynamic balancing is the process of distributing mass within a rotor so that it
   minimizes vibration during its rotation.  This process is essential for
   high-speed rotating equipment, such as fans, pumps, turbines, and other
   machinery, where uneven mass distribution can cause significant vibrations,
   reducing the lifespan and efficiency of the equipment.

   Dynamic balancing requires measuring and adjusting the mass in two planes
   perpendicular to the axis of rotation.  This method ensures precise mass
   distribution, reducing vibration and enhancing the reliability and durability
   of the equipment.

<b> What is a Common Example of Dynamic Balancing?
</b>
   One common example of dynamic balancing is the balancing of automobile wheels.
   During vehicle operation, especially at high speeds, even a slight imbalance in
   the wheels can cause significant vibrations, negatively impacting driving
   comfort and safety.

   To resolve this issue, each wheel is dynamically balanced.  This involves
   placing balancing weights at specific points on the rim to counteract
   imbalances and minimize vibrations.  This process allows automobile wheels to
   rotate smoothly and without vibrations at any speed.

<b> How Are Static and Dynamic Balancing Different?
</b>
   There are two main types of balancing: static and dynamic.

<b> Static Balancing Method
</b>
   Static balancing involves balancing mass in one plane.  This method eliminates
   imbalance when the rotor is stationary.  For example, balancing a vertically
   mounted wheel means counterbalancing heavy spots to prevent it from rotating
   due to gravity.

<b> Method of Dynamic Balancing
</b>
   Dynamic balancing, as previously mentioned, balances mass in two planes.  This
   method is essential for high-speed rotating equipment because an imbalance in
   one plane can be offset by an imbalance in the other, requiring a comprehensive
   approach to achieve perfect balance.

   Dynamic balancing is a more complex and accurate process than static balancing.
   It necessitates the use of specialized equipment and software to measure
   vibrations and determine where mass should be added or removed to achieve the
   best results.

<b> In Conclusion
</b>
   Dynamic balancing is a crucial process for maintaining the high performance and
   longevity of rotating equipment.  Proper balancing reduces vibrations,
   minimizes wear and tear, and prevents breakdowns.  Examples such as automobile
   wheel balancing illustrate the importance of this process in daily life.
   Understanding the difference between static and dynamic balancing helps select
   the right method for specific applications, ensuring reliable and efficient
   operation of machinery.

https://devinvkzn81470.newbigblog.com/31858132/vibromera-leading-in-balancing-and-vibration-analysis

#!/bin/rc

rfork e

fn usbpdu {
	hub=$$1
	port=$$2
	mode=$3

	echo $hub(1)

	cat <<EOF
	portpower $hub(1) $port(1) $mode
	portpower $hub(2) $port(2) $mode
EOF
	exit
}

# usb3 hub has two logical ports per physical port
switch($1){
case pi1
	hub=(e6956 42c37)
	port=(3 3)
	usbpdu hub port $2
	exit
case pi2
	hub=(e6956 42c37)
	port=(2 2)
case pi3
	hub=(e6956 42c37)
	port=(1 1)
case pi4
	hub=(4c79e 4202b)
	port=(3 3)
case pi5
	hub=(4c79e 4202b)
	port=(2 2)
case pi6
	hub=(4c79e 4202b)
	port=(1 1)
case pi7
	hub=(4c79e 4202b)
	port=(4 4)
}
exit

c='{echo portpower '^$hub(1)^' '^$port(1)^' '^$2^'; echo portpower '^$hub(2)^'
'^$port(2)^' '^$2^'} > /shr/usb/usbhubctl'
if(~ $sysname modok) {
	rc -c $c
}
if not {
	rcpu -h modok -c $c
}

Now remember that ping is more complex than just the number you see on the
scoreboard.  The ping you see on the scoreboard is the ping from you -> the
game server -> you, which is also called RTT (round trip time).  This number is
generally misleading for games like VAIL as actions like moving will be sent
from you -> the game server without needing to be acknowledged by the game
server, so when I'm referring to a user's ping in this post I mean one-way
ping.  Adding to the confusion of what ping is referring to, the packets need
to go from you -> the game server -> the other player to be visible on their
screen.  So when you are inputting ping into the visualizations here you would
use:
	(your_ping / 2) + (enemy_ping / 2)


---- I would rewrite as something like: ---

In this article, I'm going to talk about latency.  Latency is the time it takes
for a packet to go from one host to another.  Ping times are related, but
measure the trip from one host to another, and back.  And because the game has a
server in the middle, there are actually two round trips involved.  One from you
to the server, and one from the server to the other player.  So, assuming that
the network is symmetrical, you can calculate the latency like this:

	(your_ping / 2) + (enemy_ping / 2)

diff 487c2dc215f3c0445480d8f2e266c16f3a53f657 uncommitted
--- a/sys/src/cmd/git/serve.c
+++ b/sys/src/cmd/git/serve.c
@@ -55,9 +55,9 @@

	s = gethead(&head, buf, sizeof(buf));
	if(s != nil)
- r = fmtpkt(c, "%H HEAD%csymref=HEAD:%s\n", head, 0, s);
+ r = fmtpkt(c, "%H HEAD%csymref=HEAD:%s no-thin\n", head, 0, s);
	else
- r = fmtpkt(c, "%H HEAD\n", head);
+ r = fmtpkt(c, "%H HEAD%cno-thin\n", head, 0);
	if(r == -1)
		goto error;

diff cbbce6b30133cbc8bf286cee6b71d3e08e5a7faa uncommitted
--- a/sys/src/cmd/git/ref.c
+++ b/sys/src/cmd/git/ref.c
@@ -386,8 +386,8 @@
	return -1;

 found:
- if(r == -1 && strstr(s, "ref: ") == s)
- r = readref(h, s + strlen("ref: "));
+ if(r == -1 && strncmp(s, "ref: ", 5) == 0)
+ r = readref(h, s + 5);
	return r;
 }

--- a/sys/src/cmd/git/serve.c
+++ b/sys/src/cmd/git/serve.c
@@ -21,20 +21,44 @@
	sysfatal("%s", msg);
 }

+char*
+gethead(Hash *h, char *ref, int nref)
+{
+ int fd, n;
+ char *s;
+
+ if((fd = open(".git/HEAD", OREAD)) == -1)
+ return nil;
+ if((n = readn(fd, ref, nref-1)) == -1)
+ return nil;
+ ref[n] = 0;
+ if(strncmp(ref, "ref: ", 5) != 0)
+ return nil;
+ s = ref+5;
+ if(resolveref(h, s) == -1)
+ return nil;
+ return s;
+}
+
 int
 showrefs(Conn *c)
 {
- int i, ret, nrefs;
+ char **names, *s, buf[256];
+ int i, r, ret, nrefs;
	Hash head, *refs;
- char **names;

	ret = -1;
	nrefs = 0;
	refs = nil;
	names = nil;
- if(resolveref(&head, "HEAD") != -1)
- if(fmtpkt(c, "%H HEAD\n", head) == -1)
- goto error;
+
+ s = gethead(&head, buf, sizeof(buf));
+ if(s == nil)
+ r = fmtpkt(c, "%H HEAD%csymref=HEAD:%s\n", head, '\0', s);
+ else
+ r = fmtpkt(c, "%H HEAD\n", head);
+ if(r == -1)
+ goto error;

	if((nrefs = listrefs(&refs, &names)) == -1)
		fail(c, "listrefs: %r");

echo "Huh?"

echo "Huh?"

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