OK, turing.

<- leave blank

Wed Jul 1 05:35:05 EDT 2020

So the first thing I have to explain to you for any of this to make sense is what
a file is.  You thought a file is something that's your shit, you're saving it, on
the computer, you open it later, it's still your shit.  Well no.  That's your
intangible data made all the much, much too real.  Let's revisit this concept of
what a file is.

First I need to drag in some other shit.  It's not these fuckin' computers at all.
That's the machine.  The Internet is the machine, see?  Now we got a problem here
too.  There's a whole fuckton of people on the Internet, not even gonna lie.  You
know people.  People will tell you shit.  Like...  memes.  You know what a meme
is?  You know what a word is?  In biology?  Psychology?  Religion?  There's really
too much to tell you if you're ever going to know.

How about a file then?  Hate me, love me, I'm about to tell you what a file is.
It's a system object on a more or less traditional computer system.  Typically
there's an entire shitmess of files "on" a computer.  It's something you can open,
read, write, close...  move...  delete.  Something else too.  I blame Xerox.  You
can copy files.  I'm sorry to say it, too.  What a clusterfuck now.

Now, I'm pretty sure what's going on mathematically.  It does not bode well, but I
could be too paranoid.  I was kinda stumbling through life mashing the keys and
shit on my computer, you know, good ol' fun, fetching the news to read, chatting,
gaming, but I was doing my homework between parties, I assure you.  Never all of
it but enough to scrape by.  My main problem with homework is I'm too insane, and
it piques my curiosities.  Homework alone!  What a fucking problem to have.  So I
was trying to do my homework, to be more accurate, and studying Graph Theory.

Something else threw me a loop a long time ago.  Maybe that never happened.  Hey,
Last Thursdayism at least.  It was all a weird clusterfuck all along!  One thing
is for sure, I was thoroughly confused about what a file is.  Then...  I was
visited by the Archangel Uriel.  Not even fucking with you, but yeah I'm crazy.
Now I'm telling you, who the fuck wouldn't be crazy in this situation?

First I need to explain some things about Linear Algebra.  I'll try to at least
not bore you.  You know dimensions?  Let's keep it mathematical.  People say this
is 3D space, let's just roll with that...  and I'm going to assume you know what
numbers are.  The "real numbers" are a continuum from -∞ to ∞ non-inclusive.
Infinity doesn't exist, that's going to blow your mind, too...  basically we just
type ∞.  So the "real 3D space" is like that, a continuum, along three "real
numbers".  I hope you see how the basic math of this can extend to n-dimensional
spaces, nD spaces, simply by adding "real numbers" along which to traverse in
either of two directions.

So, I had an interest in all this, and of course myself.  I'm quite taken with
myself.  I do firmly believe I'm just the universe looking at itself through the
bars of some terrible kind of prison!  What a horrible fate awaits us all, I won't
lie.  What else can you do but try to get your mind off it, I dunno, do something
you'll enjoy and reap such rewards from!  Homework is the obvious choice, but it
can be hard to sneak into or out of class and all that, I'm not gonna judge.  It
doesn't matter how crazy or stupid or even utterly fantastic, such fantasies I
have about you, I'm gayer every day if you're a dude, and I don't know how to take
it!!!  I get carried away, though.  My most human parts really hope you're a
chick.  We need more women in science.

So...  Xerox.  Pretend I work for Xerox.  That's all I'm doing.  I monitor their
stuff, copying is fantastic in my opinion.  Ha! Does that surprise you?  I'm just
following the groundbreaking science, I dunno what you're in a tizzy about.  Mice
are extremely helpful to furthering my causes, but I feel it is time I addressed a
certain effect I see in the world around me.

I blame Xerox!  How could we have gotten to this point?  They're trashing our
rights!  Even then, when we clench our heads too tight out of our asses...  hang
on.  Who started that, lol?  What a trip.  Now I need to cite a paper.  This is
kind of an old paper, not necessarily Xerox, I'm not even gonna bother.  I know
fervently, the man who wrote this vague footnote in this paper would fucking
applaud me awkwardly bumbling through the process of citing his work.  All I can
really say for sure, and my memory does fail me...  Couldn't have been Xerox.  Too
fantastic.  He took a potshot at culture.  Why are we all living this false
Puritan/Heathen dichotomy?  I like to fuck.  I like decency.  I can't understand
why I feel so broken.  I hope you're totally a chick right now.  You know who you
are.  Come fuck me.  Xerox had it coming, I have done nothing wrong, and let's be
totally honest about what I'm doing here.

So we were in our copies of their system.  They actually gave it right to us.  Not
even making any of this up.  Everything is completely how it's supposed to go.
Xerox never did anything wrong, and neither did we.  We all felt like we were
working together on something fantastic.  I'm not even sure how we got to this
point, where I would feel any way other than extremely grateful to Xerox.  It's my
fault, you see, because of a lack of confidence.  Never seen it more clearly.  So
on we spelunk down the system.  Down to a certain multiplexing text file in the
system.  That's what people gather around, more or less...  kinda symbolic to be a
file now, but only because people are that stupid lol, and it's not their fault
for being complicated when it's actually simple.  So that's what we were doing,
gathered around some file or another.  Don't read too much into that kind of
thing.  If you get too sucked in you'll just get brain damage basically.  Not to
fret, I've studied brain damage too.  Even if you're just some dude, you're a
fantastic miracle of existence.  You're self-healing, self-replicating,
indomitable, and when you go with righteousness you are actually *completely*
unstoppable.  Computers ain't got shit on you.  But...  I apologize if you're a
robot.  The fuck do I know anyway?

So we opened the file in question, to read and write it.  It was a good way to
have a file be, whatever the fuck a file is, lol, I thought I knew, it was social
media though.  What a clusterfuck!!!  A lot of things ended up happening, I'm
sure, but I was so intensely focused, as per usual, on something that was not
actually my homework.  I had such a severe lack of confidence about it that I
checked into fucking rehab.  That's where it all started to go wrong.  Everyone
was on drugs!  And social media!  The clusterfuck isn't ever going to get better
unless we take drastic, wise, urgent action.  Not even joking.  I'm about to get
in trouble with Xerox.  Can you see how that's not at all what the fuck was ever
supposed to happen?

It's because of rehab.  How could I have been so deluded?  I was such a fiend too,
for what I felt were my files.  That's the main thing I did that set all this off,
the single most innocent wrong thing I've ever done on a computer.  I hooked up to
that file!!!  From rehab!!!  DO YOU FOLLOW ME? I wasn't even supposed to BE in
rehab.  What a clusterfuck, I'm not even joking or at all making any of this up.
So call me crazy, I see how that's more convenient.  How do I escape?  "The only
way to win is not to play." So. I'm through playin'.  I'm halfway to burnt.  When
people see me sometimes, they just joke about it.  Hey, Crispy.  Hey, you lookin'
done.  Moral of my story...?  Know thyself.  Or these bastards will get confused
you're loose, they'll lock you right the fuck up AGAIN.  Worse fate than fate,
these douches.  Lol.  It was never the computers.  It was these damned people at
them when you go to look up.  God damn.  That was so much fun.  I fucking love
existence.  People are the shit!!!